Usually when I interview a prospective slave, I like to ask questions about any former training. Any thing she liked? Didn’t like? Anything that scares the shit out of her? Than I ask if she has read my list of likes and dislikes. If So, what on that list scares her? Interests her? Turns her on? This gives me a base of understanding and a place to start.
Never Can Mean Maybe, Someday
The biggest problem I find is that their “hard limit” Things that scare them too much or they had a bad experience with before. I usually get something like this: “You want me to do this…. I can’t and I won’t. “ or “You have too many things on your list that scare me or are limits of mine. So I guess we don’t match.”
The problem is that they get overwhelmed with emotions and fears. Mostly from talking to other Dom’s or reading the stories people post on their profiles of their ultimate slave desires. They take what we see as the finished product and assume its what we want that from the start.
Or worse, they had that experience. Where a Dom they met and agreed to play or train with, threw everything at them the first day or the first week. Basically they threw the poor submissive into the deep end of the BDSM pool and hoped she swam. That is so wrong and ruins so many great potential slaves, it hurts me to think about it.
Imagine first learning to drive and your instructor takes you out into the yard. There you see a big bus waiting for you. He looks at you and says to jump in and lets go for a road test. You will probably high tail it out of there, not looking back.
Same thing here.
Back it up to the Shallow End
No matter how old she is or how much or how little experience the subbie has, I want them to enjoy the experience and to grow into the perfect slave for me. I don’t expect perfection from day one. I don’t expect her to be able to take a heavy flogging the first time I tie her to the rack. And I want her to know that. Its a process of learning.
Yes, there are some things in my toy bag that will terrify even some of the most experienced slaves. But they are there for future use or for use elsewhere. Not for immediate training. Ignore them for now because I am. We work up to it and work her into it. We see if she can do it or handle it all. If not, we find the real limits of her abilities. And often times those limits are farther out there than she first imagined or they don’t really exist.
The very first slave I ever trained was a Gloria Steinem styled feminist. She went from “Hell No, I Won’t” to “What Else can I do to please you Sir”. The change wasn’t over night, not even in six months. But constant training, evaluating and expanding over time… She came to enjoy more service, more pain and more pleasures. We slowly went from the shallow end to the deep end and in the end, she could swim with the best of them.
Don’t Be Afraid To take Her Back to The Shallow End. By doing that, you both win. You get a fun time training and she gets to experience new things the right way. Going at it form this direction, she will tend to stick around longer and be more willing to learn.
Your Thoughts???
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